Happy 9th Birthday...

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Fiq,

Today is your birthday. ..and I know, it’s tough to be 9 years old, to be the eldest child in the family. Yesterday, u told me that you only get no. 10 out of 32 on your last semester exam and no. 88 overall throughout the year. You seem sad for not getting what we have agreed before. To be the under 10s.

Fiq, the truth is. I was happy and glad. You have made me proud yesterday. Not because of the numbers or the exam results. I was proud because you are my son. My only son (for the time being). I know, I was a bit harsh on you when it comes to academic achievements. I yell and shout. And yes, I even punished you for not able to do simple mathematical equations. I’m sorry but I did that merely because you are the eldest and you are an example to your younger sisters. I’m setting a benchmark actually.

I know, it is not an easy task. It has not been easy for me too.

Fiq, today, late afternoon 9 years ago. You have brought smiles and light into our lives. At that moment of time, I just couldn’t believe myself that I’m a father. A father at the age of 27. A father to a very cute toddler.

When I saw you firmly held by Arwah Ki and holy word of summons whispered to your right ear, I know by that moment that I have bigger responsibilities. I said to myself, you are going to be my son, my friend and my everything. You are going to be a nexus that holds me and your mom. It’s a wild world we’re living in but I know we will make it all the way through.

Your first 40 days was the most challenging days of my life. All you did was stared at the ceiling with wide eyes and you were throwing tantrums and crying like you had seen a ghost! You scare us by doing that and since your mom was still in her confinement, nothing much that she can do. Do u know what I did to make you stop crying? I held you tight and carry you in circle around the carpet mat for may be 20 to 30 rounds while reciting all the surah that I could remember (which is not that many).You cried and cried almost every night.

Now, I know how it feels to be Aladdin on his magic carpet.

Raising you after those frightening 40 days ever was easy. You hardly cried after that and what you did most of the times was minding your own business. You played with the toys I bought you and nothing else matters. Even when Kakak was born, it didn’t divert your attention from the toys.You just glanced without feeling threatened by her presence.

You are a quiet and very private kid. You tend to keep everything to yourself.Just don't ever cross your unseen boundary or nasty screams will come from your mouth. Remember that Kakak!.

When you started walking on your own, with your mind wanders elsewhere, yeah ..we stumbled into a few panic moments.

Remember when we were in A Famosa Malacca? You scared us to death when suddenly you were gone after the fireworks show. From the dispersed crowd, you were nowhere to be seen. We searched the whole place with no avail. Mother’s instinct saved you when she found you at the entrance gate trying to get in after finding out that we were not at the car park. You were just 6 that time. We hugged you in tears and eventually, we lost the scolding words while searching for you. I’m sure you remember that.

There were a few more occasions after that incident but instead of searching for you, we received a distress call from your handphone saying you were lost in a mall.

Just a few weeks ago, I was shocked when my staff from the office called and told me that you are at the office when you are supposed to be in a van from school to Transitcare Centre. You told me that Pakcik Kadir left you having in mind that I will pick you up and you walked all the way from school to my office, crossing two busy double lanes road. You told me that two very nice kakak helped u crossed. I guess, you have the charm to attract girls unlike your dad.

Don’t do that again. My friend been hit by a speeding motorcycle when I was your age while crossing the road before my very eyes. He flew like a Superman but lived to tell his near-death moments.

Fiq,

I know you look up to me. I can play football with great skills in a fully lighted stadium, I can play the guitar while singing Tears In Heaven just like Eric Clapton’s video,I speak English on the phone most of the time, I teach you how to swim, I can draw, I can paint, I do tricks, I built American Choppers bicycle by myself and I fix most of the things in the house. Yes, to you I might be the greatest and coolest dad a kid could have.

The truth is Fiq, I’m just an average Father trying to do the best for his kids or in other words, I’m just an average father trying to impress his kids. Because I love you guys.

And yes, I lied about me getting no. 2-4 in every exam when I was in my primary school.

The truth is, you are way better than me when I was your age. I couldn’t remember the number I got but it wasn’t 2-4. I did that just to encourage you and i know you would do the same to my grandchild one day.

I do the ‘seems-great-things’ only when I have you in this world. I thank you for that.

I can still remember your happy face when you bought your very own Volkswagen Beetle toy for the very first time on your own with your own saved up pocket money.I was standing from far watching a boy facing reality with great confidence.

You used to ask me of what I wanted when you grow up and you will buy it for me. I said "BMW X5".

So Fiq, I know you are going to read this for at least not this shortcoming period but one day you will. You will.

If you read this, I just want you to know that I love you and I know I can always count on you. You can never fail me and I don't really need that BMW X5. I just need you by my side, taking care of me when I'm old. That's all.

(What a relief..right Fiq?)

Watching you growing up is the most exciting thing that ever happen in my life.



I love you.

~po.